It was the usual Monday morning pile of e-mails, spam, a few jokes that had been forwarded a hundred times and originally came from me, and one that made me curious enough to open it first…..

To :FoxyGrannma
From Robert Williams

Re: Your writing
Having read all your work in recent months, I would very much like to meet you with a view to working together
Please contact my secretary on 04015556789
Looking forward to meeting you

Okay, yeah, not funny – that was the first thought I had. Which one of my crazy friends had sent this?. I didn’t recognise the e-mail address but they could easily get around that.

I sent a reply stating that I would think about it, and then forgot about it. Two weeks later another e-mail arrived



To FoxyGranama
From Robert Williams

Re: re: Your writing
I am disappointed that I have not received a response to my previous e-mail. Please contact me. This is a genuine offer.




Now I was beginning to get worried, was this some kind of weirdo…It didn’t seem funny anymore and none of my friends had given any hint that they might be responsible. I told Granpa…’ just ignore it. It’s probably some weirdo….’ He said. So I did.


Weeks passed and I had once again forgotten about the e-mails, life was its usual round of ups and downs and one Saturday morning I was taking the chance to pamper myself. I had just settled into a deep hot foamy bath when the telephone rang. ‘ Oh, what now! I exclaimed as I traipsed naked and dripping to the phone, slipping on the top stair and sliding all the way down on my back… carpet burns were in abundance. I picked up the phone
‘Hello’ I said as I writhed in agony
‘Oh Hi, is that Foxygranma?’ It was a woman’s voice, rather well spoken.
‘Yes’ I sighed, I decided that if this was a sales call I was not going to be happy , in fact I would be downright abusive!
‘My name is Miss Carter, I work for Mr Robert Williams….’ Here we go again, I thought
‘…..Mr Williams has e-mailed you recently but we do not appear to have received a response…’ This was not funny anymore. I interrupted her -
‘Look, I don’t know who you are but this is becoming a nuisance now, I don’t know what it is you hope to achieve….’ A thought suddenly occurred to me..
‘How did you get my number?’ I snapped,
‘We obtained your number from Heartbeat magazine…..’
I had written quite a few serialised stories for the magazine but instantly decided that I wouldn’t do any more now, how dare they give out my number.
‘Look, Foxygranma, Mr Williams has asked me to tell you that he will fly you out to Los Angeles to discuss your writing, He is very serious about meeting you…’
I stood dripping, and speechless. What did this all mean ? A little voice in my head said ‘go for it’
“Okay, fair enough, but I need to speak to some one first, give me a number and I ‘ll call you back’ she gave me a number that I knew was international, I said goodbye and put the phone down. I sat in a puddle on the floor for a good 10 minutes before I remembered that I was naked and the window blind was up. I glanced out of the window…..the paper boy was stood there, as if in a trance, a wide grin on his face. I ran back up the stairs and searched through my office for the magazine’s telephone number.

I finally got hold of someone from the publishing department and told them of the e-mails and the telephone call, and how horrified I was that they had given out my number.
‘Oh yes that’s right, we did. We thought it would be okay though. We have published a couple of interviews with Mr Williams and it was a genuine enquiry… His staff speak to us quite regularly. I can assure you this is not a joke’

My heart skipped a beat, my mind was doing back flips. I couldn’t decide what to do. I decided the first thing to do was to put some antiseptic cream on my carpet burns and then get dressed. The idea of pampering myself had disappeared.

I made myself a coffee, lit a cigarette and sat down. First thing was to ring that number and find out a bit more.
I dialled and waited for the connection
‘ Hello this is Foxygranma, you called earlier…’
‘Oh yes, Thanks for getting back to us, I take it you have confirmed that this is genuine…’
Suddenly I felt foolish, I could feel myself blushing.
‘ er.. yes…I mean you can’t be too careful these days..’
‘Of course, I understand. Now, Mr Williams has arranged a flight for you tomorrow with British Airways, first class to Los Angeles, will you be able to make a 10am flight?’
‘what,.. oh … yes…that’s fine’
‘Great, the ticket will be waiting for you at Heathrow, I look forward to meeting you’
With that, she hung up.

I sat, in shock, for what seemed like a few minutes but was, in fact an hour. Granpa came through the door, struggling with trays of plants from the garden centre.
‘I thought you were going to do you hair and that’ he said
I just stared at him, not really hearing him.
‘what’s the matter with you, you look like you’ve seen a ghost’ he said
I explained all that had happened that morning as I made a cup of coffee. We sat and drank it at the kitchen table.
‘Are you sure this is for real?’
I nodded.
‘Well, you’d best get packing then, this could be your big chance…’

I arrived at the airport in plenty of time. I felt good about myself. I had managed to get my hair and nails done the afternoon before, and I was wearing a new outfit I had bought a few weeks ago. I thought I looked smart , but slightly alluring. Once I had collected my ticket I was directed to the VIP lounge to await my flight. I couldn’t believe this, it must be a dream.
As I boarded the plane I tripped and landed heavily in the lap of a dark haired, dark eyed gentleman, I knew that I had touched something I shouldn’t have! I hastily apologised and then realised…..it was Jonny Deppe…… oh my God, here I was travelling First class on a plane, with Jonny Deppe, on my way to see Robbie, to write his biography!

I sat in my seat, and looked around, there were a few familiar faces…this was unbelievable! The journey seemed to go quickly but that was maybe due to my trance like state. Before I knew it, we had landed. As I got off the plane the heat hit me, I wished I had worn something a little cooler, I did a mental check on the contents of my suitcase… damn .. I’d got it all wrong I decided.

There was a man holding a card with my name on at the terminal. He led the way to a huge limousine, and held the door open for me. The inside was amazing, champagne set out and waiting for me. I don’t usually drink but had been tempted on the flight and had two glasses of champagne, one more wouldn’t hurt.

After a short ride the car stopped and the door opened. I got out of the car and staggered, maybe that third glass was a mistake. In front of me was the most amazing house, just like something on MTV cribs. The huge front door opened and a woman came out and shook my hand.

‘Hi..’ she said ‘did you have a good flight’
I nodded, I was in awe. She led me into the house, and I was impressed. It didn’t look like a pop stars house, the walls were not adorned with endless platinum discs as I’d expected. Instead there were beautiful antiques, magnificent soft furnishings.

‘I thought you might like to freshen up… I‘ll take you to your room.’
She led me up an enormous staircase and into a large, almost all white room.
‘When you are refreshed please come back downstairs, Mr Williams is in a meeting at the moment but wont be long.’
I thanked her and she left the room. I stood there. This was not real, I was in Robbie’s house! I went into the bathroom and freshened up; I wondered what I should wear and then remembered a sexy little top I had packed at the last minute. When I was ready I sat on the King-size bed…. My mind was wandering….. it seemed such a big bed just for one…… I smiled and shook my head…one step at a time Foxy….one step at a time. The telephone ringing brought me back to reality. I answered it timidly
‘ Mr Williams can see you now’
I braced myself and left the room. This was it

Downstairs the woman who had greeted me led me into a large lounge and asked me to take a seat, with that she left the room. I sat gazing around me; I had never seen anything like it. I wanted to remember every detail.

The door opened, startling me.
‘Ah, Foxy, my dear, we meet at last!’ An extremely short and extremely wide man walked towards me, I stifled a giggle as I spotted his ill-fitting wig, he reminded me of Danny De-Vito. He must be from the management side, I thought.
He shook my hand, his was sweaty and his grip was limp. I decided I didn’t like him.

‘Good journey I hope?’
‘Er… yes ..thank you. Look, I’m sorry, and you are ?’
‘Bob….Bob Williams, Managing Director of Romance Publications.
The penny dropped, as the expression goes. Oh God please let the ground open up and swallow me… this is a nightmare… please let me wake up.

He sat talking and waving bits of paper in front of me, but I was not listening……I was dying inside……….My dream was fading.

‘… and so we’d start by offering you $500,00 as an advance and the rest on completion….’ I sat upright, maybe this wasn’t such a nightmare after all…………….